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From our Pastoral Intern Eben MacDonald
After a long time wrestling with thoughts about
priesthood and trying to run away from it, I realized I could no longer
face this alone. I finally worked up the courage to contact the
Archdiocesan Vocations Office and expressed my interest in exploring the
possibility of becoming a priest. I found a wonderful source of support
in the vocations directors for Los Angeles: Sister Kathy Bryant, Father
Jim Forsen, and Father Bob Juarez. All of them gave me wonderful advice
and support and were very affirming of me and my gifts.
The vocation directors encouraged me to join one of the discernment
groups in the archdiocese, where men considering the call to priesthood
met once a month to share their discernment journeys and hear from
various guest speaker priests who spoke about their experiences of
discernment and about their ministries. Joining a discernment group was
a wonderful step. It was good to meet with other men going through the
same process and to know that I wasn’t alone. It became a good support
network. I also began seeing a spiritual director. Meeting with a priest
once a month for spiritual direction was another beneficial tool for my
discernment. I also continued my active involvement in parish ministry,
another important component of discernment.
I continued discerning for several years while I continued to work
full-time. I kept praying for a clear sign from God that priesthood was
what he wanted of me, but that never came. I was looking for a
“lightning bolt” from the sky. I was waiting for God to tell me “Eben, I
want you to be a priest!” But as we know from reading the story of
Elijah in the First Book of Kings, God does not speak in the earthquake,
the fire, or the wind, but in a whisper. I was looking for absolute
clarity, but that was never going to come. I think that’s why they call
it a “leap of faith.” Sometimes we have to be willing to go out on a
limb, trusting that God will take care of us, even when we don’t have
all the answers. |
