The Closeness to God
I was raised in the Protestant faith yet never felt the
closeness to God that I do now after joining the RCIA program. I attended
church with my grandparents every Sunday. That was a special time in my
life. I now realize the moral and religious foundation that they bestowed
in me. My faith was true and I tried to live by God’s word. Yet as time
went by I found myself drifting away from the Lord.
It began when my grandfather
was stricken with cancer. How could God all loving do this to a man who had
devoted his life to God’s word? I prayed for him to be healed. I wanted
him to see me get married, have children, and continue to be there in my
life. Yet December 23, 1983, God turned his back on me and took my
grandfather. My faith was being tested.
I
continued to attend church with my grandmother, as time allowed. You see
God was busy. To busy to answer my prayers. Why should I waste my precious
time to visit him if he was only going to ignore my prayers? Don’t get me
wrong. I still had faith, but I no longer loved. I had the attitude of a
child upset with his parents after not getting what he wanted. It was
sometime during this selfish period of my life that I learned to pray. I
learned that you don’t ask God to do for you, give me, give me. Instead you
ask for guidance, strength, or wisdom. These are the prayers that I found
he answered. My love for God was restored.
You see,
I was not Catholic and could not receive Communion. Oh how I hungered for
it! I formed resentment towards the church. How could they deny me the
Eucharist? My argument was, “If that were God himself presenting communion,
would he deny me?” I had excuses for not converting.
One of
which, I didn’t have the time. Working unstable hours would not allow me to
attend RCIA classes on a regular basis.
Then in
2006 there was an announcement in the church bulletin stating that RCIA
classes were starting. After all these years work had finally slowed down
and my hunger for the Eucharist was overwhelming. I thought that I would
attend the first meeting and ask if I could convert without attending all
of the classes. After all, I’ve been practicing Catholicism for the past 20
years. Am I not Catholic?
I
attended my first RCIA class without telling my wife. For 20 years she’s
been trying to get me to convert. I didn’t want to get her hopes up only to
let her down. Besides I had no intentions of attending class I was just
looking for approval to convert, the easy out. I found the first class so
informative that I attended the next, the next, and the next. I developed a
better understanding of the church and felt my faith growing. Wow! I’m not
Catholic! Nor am I worthy.
On the
day of our first dismissal when we were called forward there was no question
in my mind that I was doing the right thing. I placed my hand on my wife’s
leg, gave her a smile and rose to my feet. She still had no idea that I was
converting. What a surprise it was for her to see me finally answering the
call. As I stood before the altar my legs shook uncontrollable. I wanted
to drop to my knees and thank God for finally opening my eyes. Why did I
wait so long to do this?
Although
my journey is not complete and won’t be until that day I stand before God.
I am thankful for the RCIA program. I now truly understand the teachings of
the Catholic Church and the love that God has for us.
I would
like to say thank you to my sponsor Jeff, Father Tom, Deacon John, the
Carmelite sisters, Angela, Irene, Norm, and my RCIA family, for helping me
realize how far I had drifted. To my wife I would like to say, “thank you
for tolerating my stubbornness and ignorance all these years.” I look
forward to the day that I can join you, the parish family in communion.
God bless
you,
RRJ
P.S.
Thank you Lord for not giving up on me.
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